What happened to teamwork?

The other night I was watching a movie with my wife and twin daughters, and the character on the screen, a mother, was looking at a colorful drawing by her daughter. "Oh, it's beautiful!" she exclaimed. "Did you do that all by yourself?"

It was like a slap in the face. I've said that thousands of times to my daughters; I've heard it from my parents, from teachers, from others, and not until just now have I realized what a horrible lesson it teaches.

First of all, does anyone ever do anything all by themselves? Materials, environment, training, opportunity...all of these are usually brought together by others, whether it be an employer, a mentor, a parent, whomever. But by saying "Did you do this yourself?" we are implying that if someone actually helped them, it's not as good. It's a rhetorical question, after all, based on the whole American can-do attitude.

Secondly, we are telling them to be more reluctant to ask for help. Even if they know they need it, they are getting the message that if they take assistance, they will be reducing the value of whatever is accomplished. We are also making it seem less beneficial to offer help to others, because that would diminish their efforts, somehow.

Why don't we give credit? "Wow, I'm so glad I gave you those crayons, so you could color that beautiful picture!" "I'm glad you were able to use that video in your presentation, Deborah, it never looked so good!" Why not encourage collaboraton?

Among other things, it would save you a gazillion in therapy bills later on by giving them a feeling of being in a supportive network of people happy to help and share in the accomplishment.

It's the John Wayne complex--I gotta fix it, and it's gotta be me, cuz no one else will do it. Sometimes, yes, that's true. But asking for help and then sharing the glory of a job well done...shouldn't that be what we should encourage, more than the Lone Hero?

Comments

[Heidi Miller]

This is true, and it was a hard lesson to learn for myself as well. It took me many years to discover that the best produces, services, ideas and innovations come from collaboration, from sharing ideas.

And yeah, that's what social media is all about. It still amuses me when I find people in my industry who hoard knowledge, specifically access to their clients. Heck, I publish my client list! If you wanna call and pitch them, be my guest. But I'll share them and their non-confidential issues, concerns and victories.

It's that "we're all in this together" mentality to me. Forget control. It's too much work.